Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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