Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
