I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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