He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
