the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
