I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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