You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
