I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
