I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you would pick up someone in the library
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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