I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
