Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
