I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
