why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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