The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
