i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
