just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
