So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize