I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
where are my eyebrows?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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