I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
