hotel room ftw
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
