made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
