we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
