Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My feet surprised me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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