oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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