actually, I'm a sock model
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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