And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A bitchslap is in order.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
