You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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