We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
