im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
