Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
