she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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