You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
