Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
