I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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