you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
