Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
