I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
