At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
