his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
