I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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