i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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