my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
