her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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