Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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