I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
