i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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