So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
