just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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