I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
