Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
